For those of you who write a blog or have attempted one at some point, sometimes trying to find something to write about can be hard.
Or maybe that is just me, because I am NOT a writer. No really. It takes me days and weeks to come up with content for one topic and then hours to actually write it all out. And that is on a good day.
When life is frustrating, stressful, and discouraging, I find my content is devoid of authenticity because I am trying to write in a positive voice, and since I am not feeling positive, those warm fuzzies don’t come through very well. I feel people may come away from reading my post wanting to stick a finger in their eye or mine.
So how does one write about walking in a valley without sounding like a whiner and causing everyone to go blind?
I have no clue.
But, lucky you, I am going to try. Because…well….it is part of the journey.
The last few weeks have been stressful. There is a lot to prepare for when going out in to the mission field. It doesn’t help when there are hard deadlines with lots of tasks to complete, and I am not in control of the outcomes of some of those tasks.
If you don’t know me particularly well, I will reveal a truth most of my friends will agree on. I am task driven. You want something done and done well? I am your gal. Unfortunately, though, my drive to complete the task and complete it well, will overrun basic needs such as food, sleep, and mental health. Also, I become very focused on the task(s). This is good to complete the task, but not good when you lose sight of what is important in what needs to be done.
This is the hole I dig for myself all of the time.
When I would dig holes while working in the corporate world, I would just dig until I was exhausted and frustrated, and someone else would take over or I would take a break and start again until the hole was done.
This is not the case when working for God’s purposes. Primarily because God has His plan. He has work that needs to be done, and we are invited to participate in that work. We do not determine what the work is, how the work should be done, or even when the work is to be completed. He does. Unfortunately, these simple facts are what I lose track of when I focus on what I feel needs to be done.
I dig and I dig and I dig, and I go nowhere. It’s like digging in bedrock with a garden trowel. Since I am going nowhere, I must work harder or longer or maybe I need to use a shovel. Because that will get me going somewhere…..right?
After some stupid amount of time, I sit exhausted, frustrated, and stressed about the lack of what hasn’t been done. Unfortunately, it is at this point that I begin to let go and really listen to what God has to say about the whole endeavor, things like:
“I didn’t really want you do dig there.”
“I have this jackhammer/bulldozer/stick of dynamite that I wanted to use, but you wouldn’t get out of the way.”
“I don’t really need you to dig at all right now, I just need you to trust/rely on/hang out with me. I’ve got it all worked out, but it isn’t time yet, so let’s just wait and I’ll tell you when it is time and exactly what to do.”
This is pretty much where I have been. I feel like I have been digging in bedrock, and my focus has been on the task of digging and trying to get somewhere with the digging, but I am not really getting anywhere with the digging.
The good news is, I finally have reached the place where I am willing to hear what God is trying to tell me. It might take too long to write it all out in a lesson learned way, so I am just going to write what I think God is saying.
You are digging too much. There is nothing you can really do about this bedrock. Besides, what I have planned for you is MY plan. I have asked you to be part of it, not run with it. This plan will come to be through MY hand, not yours. I am also preparing you for what I have planned. There is work for you to do. Not only will I reveal what needs to be done, but I want to make sure you are ready for when it comes. Pay attention to me and learn.
Until then, remember I have a plan. Stay close to me so that you don’t lose sight of my plan (again), and be thankful for everything that I have done, am doing, and will do to see this plan through.